5 years ago today.
We walked into the orphanage, in the middle of the Congo, and just like that, in what felt like the blink of an eye, they were handing her to me. All the days and months of waiting felt short, like a flash.
Her eyes were wide as she gazed at mine for the first time.
She clinched my arm and laid her head down on my chest. Not in a “I fully trust you” kind of way, not even in a “I know who you are” kind of way…how could she have known…she had never seen a white person, much less a crazy one with a mohawk that was smooching her face over and over again. It was all a little much.
I took her, weeping and kissing and laughing…I’m telling you…all the emotions. I laid her down in my lap, counted her fingers and toes, you know, just a check. I was in awe of her and I’m not sure she knew what to think of me.
I replay the scene over and over in my head on a regular basis. It is so sacred to me. That moment, frozen in time, protected by my heart, always there when I want to relive it.
It is sacred. It is weird. It is beautiful and it is painful. That moment is the sum of all feelings and emotions shoved into the span of about 5 minutes.
I rounded the corner, locked eyes with her, she came into my arms and the rest is history.
But I am so often struck by what REALLY happened at that moment.
What we could see if we had eyes to see.
What really happened in that one sweeping hand off, from one life to a brand new one:
Darkness lost!
The enemy lost his grip on my little one. The plans He had for her demise…well he had to lay those plans at the feet of Jesus.
Old to new. Death to life. Darkness to light.
Hungry to filled. Lonely to surrounded. Abandoned to found.
Gotcha.
It makes more sense when you look at it in this light, that this moment isn’t just a baby getting a family or a family getting a baby.
Death gives way to life in this moment. Eternity shifting for one heart, the tug of war ending for the right to this child’s life.
The weeks leading up to that moment were, and are, as we approach QueenE’s hand-off, some of the hardest, most hell-fighting weeks of my life.
The Lord has kindly put these words to these past few weeks:
THIS IS THE FINAL PUSH OF LABOR.
Babies do not come into this world without pain, without effort, without pushing and fighting. Mamas are warriors as they grip tight the hands of their loved ones and make that final push…the one that brings their wee one into the light of day.
The one that brings life right out into the open.
PUSHING.
That’s what this feels like. As I sit, 6 days from watching another rebirth moment happen for my QueenE, I feel the tug of war intensifying. I feel the enemy coming in from all sides with distraction, discouragement, financial “surprises”, health concerns…you name it, we are walking through it.
6 more days until that leap in my heart, when they round the corner and there she is, all that I’ve dreamed she would be.
6 more days until I feel the warmth of her skin on mine for the first time.
6 more days until the enemy has to tuck his tail and run…because it is not His day…not anymore for this little one. He has lost.
And I will breath in deep, and exhale out as my heart exclaims, “Gotcha.”
You are mine. We are yours.
And what I know now, because of watching my Nima be raised from the dead, is that what happens on the other side of that miracle hand-off, is something I will never get over.
I’ve been thinking. Is this how our heavenly Father feels?
The days, weeks and years that lead up to our surrender, to that moment where we look to Him and say “I can’t do this anymore”, and that eternity shaking pass off happens; when we go from dead to alive, from old to new, are those days heart wrenching days?
I have to believe that God’s Papa-heart aches strongly for His kids that haven’t found His arms yet.
He knows what happens on the other side of that pass off. The moment we look over our shoulder as we walk away from all we’ve ever known into the glorious unknown of what He has for us… His heart must leap with knowing just how good it’s about to get.
And this doesn’t just happen once. Because our hearts are prone to wander…and sin is so sneaky and attractive…we experience His GOTCHA moment when we allow every part of us to be redeemed with each passing 24 hours.
Ours is a constant saving, a constant redeeming, a never ending deep calling until deep. Securely in His grips, saved by His mercy, but so prone to run away.
Gotcha. Again.
Gotcha…even more this time.
He has got us. Always has and always will.
Friend reading this, I don’t know where I find you today.
But I pray that if you don’t know Jesus….like REALLY KNOW HIM…that you would find Him today.
He is leaning over heaven, aching to have your whole heart…and if you look at your life you can probably see his thumbprint all over it…as He’s been moving heaven and earth to get your attention.
Maybe you know Him, or you’ve known Him forever…and you’ve forgotten Him, forgotten what it feels like to be swept up by His Father hands and carried out of the mess you’re in into all the best that He has for you.
Maybe you’re hungry, starving really; lonely, isolated, cut off, abandoned.
Wherever you find yourself today, know that He is aching to have YOUR WHOLE HEART.
He has already conquered the death that is in you.
Simply lift your head, raise your hands and surrender. Stop fighting, stop fretting, stop trying to forge on ahead, an orphan heart with no place to call home, because that is not who you are.
He’s GOTCHA.
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 1 John 3:1
Gotcha!!!!!! Love each and every one of you!!!!
He is good.